It’s as though her eyes are stuck to the paper, she doesn’t
dare lift them off the page. She tucks a loose piece of hair behind her ear
leaving her hands slightly moist. She doesn’t usually sweat this much, she
uncomfortably wipes the liquid down her jeans. Her breathing hasn’t been so
heavy, except the last time she got so drunk she ended up ---“wait, what the
fuck, shut up, shut up, shut up” she whispers to herself. That’s a memory she
can regret another day. There’s a shuffle of a chair and by human reaction her
eyes dart towards the sound, damn, they’re all staring at her. She clears her
throat then returns her gaze to the piece of paper containing her notes. She
begins:
“Uhm….right, okay. You know when you get home and like
there’s no one there? You have the house to yourself right, everyone likes a
little alone time. But I mean—I like to drink tea. When I get home that is,
after a long day. I have this favourite spot in my living room I like to sit
in, so when I’m home alone I usually sit there and just think. I don’t think I
ever have time within the day to really just stop and think. But there was this
one time, I had just made my tea, switched the TV on and sat in my favourite
spot. I got a text message but at the time I wasn’t in the mood to talk to
anyone, but then my phone rang like 10 minutes after so I just assumed it was the person who texted me becoming inpatient. Stupidly, I answered, if you know me
you know I hate pointless conversation and that’s all I ever get these days,
words with no meaning. By the time the phone call was over and I was finally
able to press the porcelain against my lips. It was lukewarm….lukewarm tea. Almost unsatisfactory,
the best bit of my day was ruined. Now this probably seems pointless right? But I
started to think, so just look at it this way. The phone call I just had was
from a friend; well I’m not sure the term friend suits. So… this girl calls to
tell me about yet another boy whose “used her and treated her like shit”, which
only means she’s just been fucked and ducked yet again. She says she’s done
with him but her words mean nothing because she’ll only get back with him
tonight. Or the text I eventually read which was from my therapist, yeah yeah,
no need to play Chinese whispers, we all know I’m pretty messed up but that’s
not the point. My therapist, whose words mean nothing because he feeds me the
same shit he probably tells the other 30 odd patients he sees—OH, and the best
one yet, Miss ‘high expectations’ here telling me that if I don’t read this
stupid essay in front of you dumb fucks I’ll fail the course, whose words also
mean nothing because really she just needs me to do this so it doesn't seem
as though she teaches us fuck all in our lessons. What I’m trying to say is,
growing up I’ve been fed a lot of bullshit from the mouths’ of a lot of idiots
and the shit they say do nothing but make my life….distasteful
in fact I would say it’s become almost
unsatisfactory. Due to this, my life is nothing but lukewarm tea and this
my kind way of telling you all to shut the fuck up and let me enjoy it before
it goes completely cold”.
