Can I Tell You Something, Honestly...

 

 

so...
here I am,
currently in his flat,
I'm nervous but I'm trying to pretend that I'm not,
scanning literally every inch corner to corner of his place possible---
"sorry, what?"
"I said, you can sit anywhere"
"uh...sweet, ahaha...ha"
then we begin to talk,
the usual "you enjoy what you study?" "what music do you like?" "have you got yourself a job?"
judging by the increase of shots and "haha, omg you're so funny"
he's actually on a roll,
this may not be a night I have to send an emergency text to my girl.
but then...he did it.
he. fucking. did. it.
"can I tell you something?" he asks.
"yeah sure..."
"well, honestly...I've never been with a black girl."
I swear I was so distraught,
the first thing that came to my head was "OH HELL NIGGA NO! YOU'RE TELLING ME BECAUSE? WHO EVEN SAID YOU WERE GETTING SOME?!"
yet all that left my lips was "huh?"
"oh...I said, I've never been with a--"
"I heard you"
"wait. does that bother you?"
you see at the time I just giggled it off,
made up some shit excuse that I had to go,
"Oh no, it's alright you don't have to take me, I know my way home"
cussing my way to the lift as I got google maps up on my phone.
I. HAVE. NEVER. BEEN. WITH. A. BLACK. GIRL.
Lord knows I'm sick of hearing that phrase,
why do those not of colour feel like that's something they need to state.
did you think that if you had been that gives you any cred?
or because you hadn't my opinion of you was going to change?
now this what I wished I said:
can I tell you something....honestly...
you know what YES.
yes, it does bother me that you haven't been with a black girl.
you obviously haven't had an intellectual conversation WITH A BLACK GIRL.
you obviously haven't had the chance to sit comfortably WITH A BLACK GIRL.
when surrounded by women of colour you're obviously the type to think "yeah I made it, I'm WITH THE BLACK GIRLS".
when I was sitting across from you, I bet nothing about me mattered because all I was to you was JUST ANOTHER BLACK GIRL.
we are not the remedy to your damn jungle fever,
we are not the tests to see if just as well as black boys you can please us.
and for the ones (who trust me I've met more than necessary in life) we are not these dirty little secrets for you to sneak amongst
and if you don't understand the point I'm trying to make,
then trust me when I say,
there's a valid reason on this blessed earth to why you ''have never been with a black girl''